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September 23, 2013 / Tara

To the Parents of the “Healthy Kids” Out There

I think I’m having a pity party. My daughter is inpatient again at Children’s Hospital for I think the 10th time this year. I lost count. Most of them a week or more. One visit being 7 weeks and so far this one we’re on week 2 and counting if you don’t count that one day she made it home and had to come back to be readmitted the next day…blah. But as she’s sleeping away in her hospital bed and I’m checking email I’m starting to get very depressed. So instead of just sulking, I decided I’d write a blog post about it. Well, here goes….

So in my inbox is an email from one of the mothers at A’s school. Now, mind you this is one of the mom’s I refer to as the Stepford Moms as it is. Kind? No. But trust me if you knew some of the parents at her school you’d understand the level of my feelings of inadequacy. Anywho, this mom is emailing pictures of her daughter’s birthday party to some of the parents. And she emailed saying “Thank you for coming…etc, etc.” Trouble is, not only was my daughter in the hospital during this party, she never even got invited to this party.

I don’t know how they do it at your child’s school but at mine the kids can pass out invitations in the class either to all the boys or all the girls or everyone. And if that doesn’t work for them they pass out invitations separately outside of school. They are only in second grade, generally they invite everyone. But this time my kiddo did not get invited. From the pictures it looked like about every girl in the class was there. I feel pretty sad even though I don’t even know if she would have wanted to go if she wasn’t in the hospital. I can half assume that the mom might have thought A couldn’t do the fun activities they had planned like riding a horse (yes they had a horse at this 8 year old’s birthday) or maybe she figured A wouldn’t make it and didn’t want her to feel bad so she didn’t invite her? But I just went through this with my sister this past summer who “uninvited” us on a family trip and invited her sister-in-law and her family instead because she assumed it would be too much for us. Now in all honestly, I probably would have opted out of the trip but I would like to have the opportunity to make that decision. I would like my child and her father and I to decide what she/we can handle. And all the play dates that I see my nephew (in the same class) going on this year but my daughter hasn’t been invited to any.

There are too many things she is missing lately and it is really weighing on me. Like today is picture day, so she won’t be in the class picture again. She can’t play soccer because she isn’t physically able this year and besides, we never know when we are going to be in the hospital. She won’t be there for Grandparents Day on Friday when all the kids put on a program for the grandparents, AGAIN. So she misses out on enough stuff.

Please parents give her the invite and don’t assume that because she is in the hospital a lot, she can’t do play dates or that we can’t take her anywhere.  Being in the hospital so much is isolating enough; on all of us. Please don’t add to it by excluding my child. She deserves better.

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