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July 15, 2011 / Tara

Let’s Just Finish This

Today is my oldest daughter’s last day of junior year of high school.  All she has to do is get through today and take 4 finals and she is finished.  We have struggled all year just to keep her afloat.  She is in an advanced program at her high school and is very intelligent.  Unfortunately a combination of her emotional disability and laziness with the ineptness of the public school system has caused her to really struggle to keep up and finish.  She was actually homebound from mid-March until very recently.  I don’t want to pat myself on the back because I know a lot of her issues stem from problems I have caused but another family would never have gotten her to this point.  She doesn’t realize how much I love her and want to see her succeed.  It has taken a great deal of energy and tenacity on my part to get her to today, the last real day of school.

Because of things that had gone on during the school year, we revised her IEP in May and now I have weekly meetings with her SPED teachers and the clinician as well as the head of the department at the school.  Today was our last meeting for the year.  My daughter tried to lie about assignments she had completed but I called her on it.  I fully expect the cold shoulder when I pick her up later.  Oh well, I’ll survive.  It is hard enough to know she is lying to me constantly but don’t sit there and lie to your teachers and clinician in front of me and expect me to be silent.  The child needs a wake up call.  She only has a few assignments outstanding and she can do it.  If only she would stay in the game and stay off the Ipod.  I know it is so much easier to succumb to depression or anxiety and hide out when feeling pressured.  Believe me, I get it!  I wish she would understand how much easier life will be for her down the line if she learns to fight that now.  I struggled with the same feelings and I did similar things though in college.  And I regret that I let my educational opportunities slide through my fingers.  But I did not have a parent like me to see what was going on.

I just pray that we can get her through the next few days and she will find some inner strength to push herself.  Junior year is a big year for those kids that want to go to college and she does.  She has decent grades but nothing remarkable and her college career depends on her getting some financial aid.  Lots of financial aid.  So I am hoping she will make a good last effort to dig herself out and finish the year strong.  Then she can breathe a little and so can I.

Tara

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